I can’t stand to look at some of the things I created.
At the most inopportune moments, all I’ll manage to see are the imperfections, what I could have done and should have done better.
I really felt like I had to be something and fit into a mold.
It was my scholastic thinking:
Get an education so you can get a job so that you can make a living so that you can pay bills so that you can live.
How many more asses would I have to kiss to be less of the person I was growing into naturally?
I’m a seed.
I’m growing and I’ll always be.
For that reason, I had to inevitably experience some growing pains.
I had to realize that not all seeds produce the same plants.
When it comes to my health, I have felt so ungrounded in ways that these words can’t express.
My body felt like it was decaying in a recent adventure I took spontaneously.
I couldn’t get enough rest during that time.
During that season, I was getting the sense from a peer that my innocuous attempt to get my foot in the door doing independent, freelance work was coming across as (in more or less words to her) stupid, and it wasn’t the first time someone had given me that impression–this wasn’t exactly energizing either.
The result left me feeling so discouraged, negligent of the innate gifts I have.
You know what, though, that experience went hand in hand with my growth.
I’m grinding my teeth while I say that.
It’s hard to accept a setback, whether or not it was self-imposed.
Something in me wanted to scream ‘I’m DONE!’
It felt like there was no point to living.
I can’t say I’ll never get discouraged again.
I can’t say the same about you either.
I can say something that speaks a little bit louder than the negative psychic voices clamoring in my mind…and in your mind.
We’re not done yet.
If you’re brave, rehash an experience that made you feel like your talents were futile. How did you deal with it? Where are you now?