In Awe

“And the day came for the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

~ Anaïs Nin

I actually did the preliminary work for this post well in advance. While freewriting, I was projecting, encouraging myself and trying to get a sense of what was on my plate. I find it quite interesting that in, let’s say, two or so weeks I will feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing; then I look back on something like a few journal entries or my planner and I am left rather wide-eyed. Its nice to let a little light in through these ocular windows of mine because I was going through such a dark…dark night of the soul.

For positivity’s sake and for my wellbeing, another thing to be wide-eyed about is the fact that I am officially a graduate in a matter of three days from the time this post would have been visible. I am 22 years old. I have a degree in Fine Arts and Spanish, and I am bilingual. I have 2 part-time jobs. I have a place to live. I am in good fortune and I want to breathe in every moment of it rather than getting encapsulated by the illusion of imminent (maybe even actual from time to time) failure.

The heart of earthling man may think out his way, but Jehovah himself does the directing of steps.

Proverbs 16: 9 NWT

I will sometimes quote the New World Translation (NWT)  bible, which is the text of choice by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It makes me a little queasy doing so because of the bitter taste I have in my mouth after dealing with some members in their organization (it didn’t really work out, sufficed to say). I realized recently, however, that those witnesses are not the bible they use.

Once I was able to let go I began to see what I do like about their religion and the text they use. According to them, NWT is perhaps the most verbatim alongside the original translation of the dead sea scrolls. That is to be determined. Whatever the case I just like the fact that God has a name, Jehovah, much how the name that appears on my birth certificate is Sandra. Jehovah translates from Hebrew as “He causes to become.” Talk about wide-eyed, I was wowed even more by reading that. I felt like for the first time in a long time I had a basis for my quest to “define” God. I felt like I regained the footing I felt like I had lost.

With an imagination likened to that of the imagery in A Wrinkle in Time, I sat there upon my bed, enjoying a newly found peace about conversing with a universe-dwelling entity bigger than big itself. When I say God I am stating a synonymous  declaration in acknowledgement of one whose character is making things. The name rests on the edge of my mouth; the power of them infiltrates me like a deluge.

I, Sandra, 2012 graduate, will carry this revelation with me…one blog post and several social media updates at a time.


2 thoughts on “In Awe

  1. Sandra,


    Congratulations to you and thanks be to God for your graduation! 

    What an accomplishment and what an opportunity for new beginnings! 

    Edco & Cecilia Bailey Born in Spring Grove Virginia, May 3, 1945

    Graduated from Surry County Virginia High School,  1963

    Mt. Royal Bible College,  Baltimore,  B.Th., 1967

    Vietnam, Combat Medic,  US Army, 1970

    William And Mary College,  Williamsburg,  B.A.,  1974, Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, Massachusetts,  M.Div., 1977

    Howard University School of Religion, Washington, D.C.,  D.Min., 1981 

    Associate Director, Massachusetts Council of Churches, 1981-1986

    Retail Sales Associate, 1986-1991

    Shady Grove Hospital Chaplain, 1992-2011,  Retired

    Volunteers at:  

    Shady Grove Hospital, Rotary Club, Civil Air Patrol,  B.A.S.R.A Prosthetics for Life, Inc.

    Nursing Home Ministry, Youth in Praise Ministry, Retirement Home, Montgomery County Jail Ministry,

    Community Ministries of Rockville, St. Mary Catholic Church, Flying Club,  2012 


    Have Traveled In: North America, South America; Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia over the years


    Resides: in a house by the side of a road in Rockville, Maryland seeking to be a friend to humankind.


    Cousin Mary was born in 1905 and lives now in a convalescent home in Windsor, Virginia, at age 107+. 

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