“And the day came for the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~ Anaïs Nin
I actually did the preliminary work for this post well in advance. While freewriting, I was projecting, encouraging myself and trying to get a sense of what was on my plate. I find it quite interesting that in, let’s say, two or so weeks I will feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing; then I look back on something like a few journal entries or my planner and I am left rather wide-eyed. Its nice to let a little light in through these ocular windows of mine because I was going through such a dark…dark night of the soul.
For positivity’s sake and for my wellbeing, another thing to be wide-eyed about is the fact that I am officially a graduate in a matter of three days from the time this post would have been visible. I am 22 years old. I have a degree in Fine Arts and Spanish, and I am bilingual. I have 2 part-time jobs. I have a place to live. I am in good fortune and I want to breathe in every moment of it rather than getting encapsulated by the illusion of imminent (maybe even actual from time to time) failure.
The heart of earthling man may think out his way, but Jehovah himself does the directing of steps.
Proverbs 16: 9 NWT
I will sometimes quote the New World Translation (NWT) bible, which is the text of choice by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. It makes me a little queasy doing so because of the bitter taste I have in my mouth after dealing with some members in their organization (it didn’t really work out, sufficed to say). I realized recently, however, that those witnesses are not the bible they use.
Once I was able to let go I began to see what I do like about their religion and the text they use. According to them, NWT is perhaps the most verbatim alongside the original translation of the dead sea scrolls. That is to be determined. Whatever the case I just like the fact that God has a name, Jehovah, much how the name that appears on my birth certificate is Sandra. Jehovah translates from Hebrew as “He causes to become.” Talk about wide-eyed, I was wowed even more by reading that. I felt like for the first time in a long time I had a basis for my quest to “define” God. I felt like I regained the footing I felt like I had lost.
With an imagination likened to that of the imagery in A Wrinkle in Time, I sat there upon my bed, enjoying a newly found peace about conversing with a universe-dwelling entity bigger than big itself. When I say God I am stating a synonymous declaration in acknowledgement of one whose character is making things. The name rests on the edge of my mouth; the power of them infiltrates me like a deluge.
I, Sandra, 2012 graduate, will carry this revelation with me…one blog post and several social media updates at a time.