“There is a God…who loves me.”
~ “Wrap Me In Your Arms” by Martha Munizzi
My mom and I had a conversation the other night. I told her about the color yellow and how it was in a dream I had with her to which she inquired, wanting to sense what significance these colors bore on me. I told her that the yellow color was the typical primary color, sunshine-y, lemonade, smiley face and happiness type of yellow.
“I can just imagine you out and about, sitting in the sunshine and on the grass…” she mused.
‘Funny,’ I thought. That is exactly what I was doing only hours before except that I was feeling anything but sunshine-y feelings at that moment.
I meandered my way through the organic farmers market this past Saturday afternoon. I have been arriving on the latter end which means [in survival language] I need to get that food before all the good things go. I passed by a familiar face at one of the stands. Although I saw her I decided to make my way over to another in hopes of finding some greens before someone bought them, which was very likely to happen within minutes if I did not act. I was about to finalize my purchase of some spinach when suddenly someone said my name.
I looked up to see the familiar face standing at my side. I reached back out to give her a hug hello, but she remained stiff.
“Yeah hi,” she said with what seemed at first cheer, “I mean, I saw you over at the table. You’re not gonna come and say hi or anything?”
I was confused because I had every intention coming right back, and I told her this.
As she continued, all I could do was study her facial expressions, a smile like an ocean tide coming and going.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you by that–” I remarked.
“No, no. You didn’t hurt me. I just wanted to tell you that’s really shady.”
We said goodbye shortly thereafter. I turned back to table. I felt crushed. I felt confused. I felt like I never in my whole life wanted to see her ever again and I was 100% fine with that. The vendor had been standing on the other side the whole time this happened. It was then I realized I was staring down and just gawking at green heads of spinach and basil.
Where there is no skillful direction, the people fail; but there is salvation in the multitude of counselors.
Psalms 11:14 NWT
What is it about a mere statement that can crush the heart? I am truly baffled and yet science still has a way of breaking things down to explain the supposedly unexplainable. I mean, there are many perspectives that all shed light on emotions from different angles.
I find something rather perplexing in the study of chakra healing, which is about the 7 energy centers of the body. The chakra centers are all color coded. The third one from the bottom up is the solar plexus chakra and it is identified with the color yellow.
“In the dream, mom, we were doing an artistic and creative healing experiment of body mapping.” I could feel my heart beating ecstatically as I recounted this to her that same evening after coming from the farmers market.
She was really intrigued. Perhaps my enthusiasm about how vivid and foretelling the dream felt was a contagion in and of itself. Whatever the case, I knew I had something to follow. I am an artist. I love colors. I want to be healthier and I have so many desires that I am running out of space in my journal to contain them. I knew I need to be moving forward when I see traits like confidence and improved concentration, and supplements like core strengthening exercises as well as detoxification being associated with the solar plexus chakra.
After my mom and I hung up I sat quietly, remembering the events of the day. I remembered the aloneness, the bewilderment, the frustration, the rejection, and all while standing on a patch of green grass in sunlight.
While I do not always take on panentheistic views of seeing divinity in and about everything, I would not doubt for a second that God was able to put on that cloak of yellow sunshine, just for a moment, and completely…engulf me.