“A faithful person will be richly blessed.”
Proverbs 28: 20
Wanting to hear an affirmation from me, my coach asked me earlier today to put something into my own words to which I responded, “I am enough.”
Yes, I am worth every bit of my own energy, investment, time, self-love, and care. “These are all elements of self-care when we recognize that,” she had said at one point.
I never thought of this before, or at least I never thought of it like this: We have a way of talking to ourselves as well as telling our own story in various ways.
My coach also presented this new concept to me.
Another interesting thing is that one’s story can be told in such ways using the styles of movie genres:
comedy, horror, chick flick, tragedy, romance, mystery, drama and so forth.
If the following account were a movie then I think that it would be somewhat of a hybrid.
I stumbled upon an organic farmers market after weeks of hardly encountering accommodating dietary resources here in Costa Rica. I went for the second time yesterday. Holding my camera out in front of me, I pressed record and captured the passing scenes as I walked by. Visions of a rapidly moving video flashed in my mind. I already felt as if I were walking through it sped up. With every step down the side of the hill, shrouded by tropical shrubs, I knew myself more. I felt familiar. I felt known. I felt like I was truly at home for a moment. The sensation soon passed.
I paced around a bit in search of familiar faces from the first time I went, camera still in hand. While asking a vendor about a fermented drink, I was introduced to Belle, Hamilton, and Isaac. The are also from the states, and Belle had the intentions of residing in Costa Rica for some time. They invited to me to a performance later that night. The rest of the day was soon occupied in search of a vegan restaurant and passing time in the hostel lounge where Hamilton and Isaac were staying.
I declined their invitation to attend a party Saturday night. I was tired and so were my groceries, but I also think I needed to ignite a flame from the spark of creativity that had just burst within me. I sat upright in bed, feeling a wave of weariness, inspiration and bewilderment all at once. In my art journal, I wrote out the most clearest thing that I have written in a while. With every notation, a deeper and more divine sense of clarity overcame me.
My mind took a break as I sat there motionless, eyes closed and pencil in hand. I returned to the entrance of the theater where Isaac and I both stood. My gaze averted over above the row of houses across the street from us. The moonlight created a surreal glow just beyond a haze of night sky clouds. A breeze almost became visible as I caught a glimpse of swaying branches just where the side of our building nearly cut them off.
“Heaven is within us, within you, within me…” I commented to Isaac. He had made the observation that I would smile a lot and that it seemed so genuine.
This concept though an unclear truth lies rooted and nesting within my heart. There are images and memories and unconscious secrets enveloping it. There is a key there. Among the many words that were exchanged in our conversations, all of which took place in this serendipitous encounter, something resonated with me. I am sure something also resonated with them. Why I was so happy? Why it was so genuine? I can only hypothesize that I was discovering and rediscovering myself once again.
We conclude that chapter, or should I say scene rather? Right now, I feel like laughing and smiling yet curling up in a blanket all at once.