But I Can’t Hide

“You don’t have a soul.
You are a Soul. You have a body.”
C.S. Lewis

Today was the first time I left the house since Friday afternoon. I initially went out for a walk. I tend to spend anywhere from an hour to ninety minutes walking outside until I encounter a quaint place to park myself and read. Up until this past evening, I was spending my time watching an old television series, Roswell, which is a story about teenage alien-human hybrids who are trying to survive as humans and hide their true identities from those around them. I am rather baffled at just how much a fictional story can shed light on human nature. (Please note: I rarely watch television and when I do then I sit down to watch it all at once.) I wish I could say I have been bored. Okay, I admit that my unyielding exhaustion from the excessive traveling I have done this summer made me crave some mild entertainment. So it was a bit of a respite to find receive a spontaneous tennis lesson from a clinical psychologist in the nearby park earlier. I have never been an athletic person, but I am a quick learner.
Maybe my peculiar self-image causes me to lean towards the science-fiction, mystical, and mysterious entertainment. I relate to these obscure individuals. Yes, I know: many people feel like they know the characters of their favorites shows and films. I’m not that much of a t.v. buff, though. I honestly and truthfully have always felt like an alien in some form. Sure, what child has not wondered about the possibility of moving something with his or her mind, or flying, or walking upside down? But this type of feeling is more debilitating rather than empowering, and there is nothing all that supernatural about it. I have no idea to what extent that others may feel something is wrong with them, but I certainly have always felt something is irreversibly wrong with me. 
By the second season, I no longer felt like I was simply watching the show but rather I was studying it. Producers are not ignorant. The entertainment industry knows the many worldly allures, which are strategically leveraged to reel in viewers: romance, sex, action, risky teenage adventure, superpowers, an infinite budget for eating out. A friend of the family, fourteen years of age, would always point out that I noticed the slightest things; from the phony F.B.I. badges to the impractical codependent relationships to the subtle change in a person’s makeup within the same scene–barely anything could slip by my keen eyes.
Aside from the settings (some of which are barely a far cry from a power rangers action scene), I cannot overlook any of the immorality. They are compulsive thieves, liars, trespassers, and sneak-out-late-at-night teenagers. No wonder no one trusts anyone. The main character doesn’t even believe in God. I can understand, though, because if I were an alien-human hybrid, constantly warding off alien enemies and solving mysteries that put my family’s life at stake, then joining the local church would be pretty low on my priority list too. Who needs Jesus when one can read and manipulate minds, alter the molecular structure of things, and create force fields? I mean, one of them turned ketchup into mustard. Does anyone see the correlation yet? 

But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth….Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.” The angel answered, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time…Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple.. When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak. When his time of service was completed, he returned home. After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. “The Lord has done this for me,” she said, “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”

Luke 1:11-14,18-19, 21-25


John would pave the way for Jesus and their ministry would be the most defining ministry this world has ever seen. I mean, it is the ministry because it was headed by the one and only sinless man who would ever walk the face of this earth. Someone recently told me that the tongue can be like a drunk driver. I deduce that God might have had zero tolerance for any careless statements about these two individuals lest people not take their birth seriously.
Because I know firsthand the carelessness of others, the only thing I have been able to do is seclude myself. I cannot come to trust others with the information of what I am going through. Ironically enough, I find myself in a season of listening deeply to others. Loyalty is not cheap. Perhaps my stifled verbal expression is what what motivates me to keep blogging because I have ample time to formulate, construct and alter my ideas without unwanted interference from someone else. The exhilaration of being on that tennis court without any prior planning was just so liberating. I listened intently as the man explained what I needed to do each time the ball came towards me. There was no need for me to talk. Why should I have? For once, there was nothing to nothing to say. His reiterated words resounded: repetition perfects technique…repetition perfects technique.
I have no clue why I am in this season. What I am sure about is that I am not strange and am certainly not an alien. It seems that God has a way of settling us and putting the brakes on us. We might even retreat into a corner and do some strange things. Regardless, I know that God is forming something within me; I know that He is healing me. So as fascinating as it is, I do not desire the superfluous things the characters are often chasing after, especially resolution of intergalactic conflict. When I have finished all the episodes, what will I have gained if I had gotten too entangled in fleeting, mindless entertainment?

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,  because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,   God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit….In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:1-4, 37-39
It is merely the aliens’ powers that make them supernatural, for they are making some naturally human choices. Go figure. They are actors. I think most actors are human to begin with. Anyways, I doubt that superpowers would stop me from being tempted to break one or two of the ten commandments. So for now, I am  happy to be exactly who I am and to be where I am. I am weak, vulnerable, doubtful, tired, and bewildered. I do things well and I mess up plenty of things, but I have nothing to hide. I have no reason to hide.
Man, it has taken me…how many episodes to realize that? 



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