I was about halfway through my freshman year in college when I had a dream about an intriguing elderly woman. She was nameless, nearly faceless, but her kindness was too prominent to forget. I was aimlessly sauntering around, and perhaps lost, in a place that was a segmented shim-sham of my college town and the neighboring cities by it. The woman had stepped out onto the stoop of a porch at a white house, the rest of which was rather indistinguishable. She asked me to stay for lunch to which I retorted that I had to return to school. She insisted, though, and I hesitantly agreed. After all, I really had nothing that could be anymore lost than what I already was.
Love is like a puddle: you don’t know how deep it is at first.
You don’t want to dive right in headfirst, though–you might break your neck.
‘Who invented the heart?’ I thought to myself several mornings ago. The human heart looks nothing like this.
I think this Valentine’s Day mascot actually compliments the quite unattractive, pulsing organ that is so vital to human life. Nonetheless, I had probably never given it much thought about the significance of the shape of the human heart. That’s what it really comes down to: the shape, the condition, the meaning, the purpose. It’s sad that it has taken this 21-year old artist all of her 21 years to finally have such an epiphany about one of the most widely known graphic images.
That same evening, I watched the rest of What the Bleep Do We Know!? in order to obtain a source for my final English paper. Amanda, the main character, underwent a massive and a rather defining panic attack towards the end. She punched the mirror. She spewed curses at her reflection. She threw toothpaste everywhere. It was about as much excitement that I could tolerate for one whole semester. It’s especially what she did afterwards that provided me the most personalized message out of that entire film: in a moment of profound realization and spiritual awakening, she tilted her head back, laughed at her recent rampage, and then proceeded to draw hearts all over her body. If there is one way to remind someone of love and how to do it, why not just pick up a writing utensil and just start scribbling away?
The interesting thing is that a few drops of a baking soda solution had spilled onto my bedside table the night before I finished the film. I awoke and got on with my day the next morning without even a glance onto its surface, the landing for many books, all of which had teemed of life-changing information. After the credits rolled on the film, I proceeded to shut down my laptop and get ready for bed, but not without noticing this small phenomenon.
Do you see what I see?
I spent most of the early afternoon today helping my landlady rake the mowed grass at her cementary plots. She expressed to me several times in the car how much she appreciated it. I recalled the countless times I sat in that very passenger’s seat and thought the very same thing, wondering if she knew just how much she meant to me. I have told her on a few occasions about my dream from freshman year. I told her how her spirit deeply resembles that of the woman I encountered within the deep recesses of my mind. In private times of reflection, I would often find myself wondering if I could be as helpful and giving and energetic as she has been.
Then I remember that love is so much more transcendent than what I might think. I remember that I, too, am a recipient of the love I extend; so I can myself by remembering all that I have already done, that I have done something right, I have helped someone too, and I have and I still am helping myself.
God has to be the One taking me step by step throughout this developmental process.
I also took spiritual inventory yesterday. I had to remind myself of what God has done so far for me, especially recently. I examined what I have accomplished and all that I have begun to see being produced from all my efforts. Today, I followed up by making a list of short term and long term goals (eHow is the new Wikipedia for sure). I assessed the purpose for this blog as a part of the planning time too. According to my marketing training, there are various types of blogs: Personal,Commentary, Instructional,News,Links,Product/Review, &Corporate. Based on what I have been writing about so far, my content is definitely personal and very much a commentary about my life. I have always envisioned it being somewhat of a Product-News hybrid, but whatever it becomes I have to continue to write in this book and keep this book, this book that is slowly morphing into connected accounts of my life, and I can’t stop moving through this desert.
The information superhighway of the Internet can be dizzying sometimes. I know this full and well. I told a friend from church about my blog and how her metaphorical concepts were so intricate, illustrative and aligned with my writing. She had referenced the situation of dancers gracefully executing pirouettes without crashing to the floor. What they do is focus on a specific point in their space as they spin so that when they are in the motion, they don’t get deterred by the visual and kinetic chaos that threatens their balance. Before we hung up, she had added something she once heard from a pastor:
Take what you love and make it how you love your community and your world.
P.S. World: I leave this house tomorrow. I would have showed you pictures of that process too, but I didn’t want to offend your eyes.